Penence
by Libbet
Summary: After returning to the rebellion postESB Leia is forced to deal with the consequences of her relationship with Han. Please read and review!


A/N: I'd had the story "Confession" kicking around in various forms for over a year when I got my act together, edited the bloody thing into one story and posted it. But now that I'm done with that I've found myself more and more curious about what happened between Confession and the final scene of The Empire Strikes Back. To those reading _Forever Changed_, I would like to assure you that I have not forgotten about Ord Mantell and that Chapter 5 will be up soon. I would also like to say that I don't own any part of Star Wars and am just borrowing the characters for my own amusement. Enjoy.

Penance

The moment the transmission was received Alliance High Command went into an uproar.

_This is Leia Organa aboard the Millennium Falcon. Requesting permission to dock, and immediate medical assistance._

The communications officer on duty was relatively new to the Rebellion and did not now what to do. Instead of replying to the incoming ship or quietly calling over his superior, the young man let out a yell. The bridge crew had panicked, fearing attack, and pandemonium reigned for several time parts, until someone had managed to get word to General Madine. And even then, as Madine rushed into the bridge still in his sleep clothes, things did not get much better.

Alien and human cries did not abate entirely until Mon Mothma herself, followed by General Dodonna, General Rieekan and Admiral Akbar, entered. The bridge went instantly silent as Mon Mothma surveyed the chaos. "What," she said, "is going on?"

Madine stepped forward. By his side were the trembling comms officer and the Mon Cal captain, who looked utterly confused. "This," the Corellian general said simply, indicating the transmission.

Before anyone had a chance to fully read the message the comms light started blinking. In an effort to prove himself capable of handling his job, the communication officer quickly activated the speakers. The moment he did so the icy voice of Leia Organa filled the bridge.

"_Alliance ship Venture, this is Princess Leia Organa! Do you read me? Requesting permission to dock and immediate medical assistance** now**."_

A shocked silence filled the room. Then Mon Mothma took the comms officer's station. "Leia, this is Mon Mothma. Permission granted. Continue on you present course."

Mon Mothma was not happy. For a over month now they had been searching and hoping and praying to the Force. With all three of the unofficial "dream team" missing in action for five weeks since the depressing Battle of Hoth, Rebel moral was at an all time low. The fact that it was Leia and not Captain Solo requesting permission worried her, and the need for immediate medical assistance only made things worse. And where was Commander Skywalker, she wondered. He had safely exited the Hoth system. That was all they knew. Mon Mothma hoped Leia would know. She wanted answers.

The landing ramp of the Millennium Falcon descended to reveal Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca and a tall dark skinned man Crix Madine did not recognize. It was not a pretty picture. Skywalker was unconscious, held in the arms of the strong Wookie, his right sleeve revealing a stump where is hand had been. The Princess stood beside them, her dark eyes sad, almost defeated. Madine did not know her well, but from what he had heard sad and defeated was not a regular description of Princess Leia.

The medic Mon Mothma had called rushed towards Skywalker, then stopped and turned to the princess. "What happened?"

She was silent for a moment, something almost unheard of in the Alliance hierarchy. When she spoke the sadness in her voice was palpable. "His hand was severed in a lightsaber duel almost eleven hours ago," she said simply. "We ran out of painkillers about halfway here. He held up pretty well at first, but passed out not long ago." She turned to Chewbacca. "Follow the medic to the sick bay. I'll be there later."

Still the dark man remained silent, not introducing himself nor explaining Solo's absence. Madine had never liked the smuggler but, as a fellow Correlian, hoped he had not come to harm.

He watched as the Alderaani motioned for the man to follow her and proceeded towards Mon Mothma. "This is Lando Calrissian, former Baron-Administrator of Cloud City." Organa paused slightly. "He saved our lives, and as such is now on the run from the Empire." Answering the question in Mon Mothma's eyes, in everyone's minds, the princess continued, "Han was taken prisoner."

The Alliance Supreme Commander nodded curtly. "Come," she said, "the two of you need to be debriefed."

The debriefing with High Command was terrible. It seemed more like a trial then a routine report. Leia would never be able to remember exactly what questions they asked her, only the feelings roused by them. Lando remained silent throughout most of it, speaking when spoken to but adding to Leia's description only when necessary. It was obvious the real, unspoken query on everyone's mind was the length to which Leia's relationship with a certain, Correlian smuggler had progressed in their five weeks alone together.

Leia knew she was not doing a good job. She could feel herself turning red whenever the stay on the asteroid or the flight to Bespin were mentioned. She could not keep the longing out of her voice when she spoke of Han. The simplest mention of her lost love was all Leia's mind needed to set her thoughts back to their time together. His smile, his eyes, his voice, his lips on hers, his warm hands on her body… But then Leia would bit her lip, give herself a shake and try to continue her previous, non-Han-related, train of thought.

Leia and Lando finished their story, devoid of any encounters between princess and pirate, and Mon Mothma called for a cabin to be made ready for Calrissian.

"No, Madam," he objected, "Gracious though you offer is, I will stay in the Falcon's spare bunkroom. Chewbacca and I will most likely be heading out to find Han soon anyway." The Supreme Commander glanced sharply at him. Seeing Leia's distress, Lando quickly added, "But that is a subject for another day. If you don't mind, I'm going to freshen up." He turned to the princess. "I be at the sick bay within the hour, I'll see you there." With a swirl of his blue cape, Lando was gone, leaving Leia by herself.

Later Leia realized that she should not have been surprised when she was ushered into the Supreme Commander's office by none other then Mon Mothma herself. Carlist Rieekan followed the two women in.

Mon Mothma sat behind the desk and motioned for Leia and Rieekan to take the chairs opposite. "I think, and I am sure Carlist agrees with me, that we need to talk." She sighed. "Sometimes I forget how young you really are, Leia…"

All of Leia's diplomatic training dissolved in righteous anger. "This is about Han, isn't it? You want to make sure I'm still your virgin princess, your martyr for the cause." Her voice was colder than Rieekan had ever known it to be. "Well, I am _proud_ to tell you that I am in love with Han Solo and that I spent the last four weeks making love to him." As Leia spoke tears came into her eyes, "And if my father were alive I swear to you that _he_ would be proud of me!"

Leia stormed out of the out of the office, ignoring Rieekan as he called after her, then ran to follow, and strode quickly towards the Falcon. When she entered the hanger she began to run, conscious, but uncaring of the Rebel crewers' stares. Hearing Lando in the 'fresher, Leia slowed to her usual silent walk.

Finding the _Millennium Falcon_'s boarding ramp down, Rieekan entered the ship and found Leia about to close the hatch on the main cabin. When she saw him she froze, and Rieekan noticed a tear slipping down her cheek. Leia's soft whisper seemed to echo around the corridor. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come to this, honestly Carlist. But I love him." She took a shuddering breath. "So much it frightens me. And all I want right now is to have him back." The princess began to weep, sobbing and apologizing for her tears at the same time.

Rieekan smiled sadly at her. "No Leia, you're not sorry. Nor should you be. And if it means anything, _I'm_ proud of you, even if Mon Mothma disapproves.

Leia wiped a tear away. "Thank you," she said simply.

The general nodded. "Get some rest," he instructed. "I'll deal with our dear Supreme Commander."

He left then, and Leia entered the cabin, closing the hatch behind her. Sitting on the bed she had shared with Han through out most of the flight to Bespin, Leia mentally kicked herself. By now Mon Mothma would have relayed Leia's announcement to the rest of High Command, if not the rest of the Fleet. As much as she hated that fact, Leia knew that within a matter of hours the entire Rebellion would be discussing her sex life. And it would be her sex life, not her _love_ life. Love would not be mentioned, that much Leia knew. To the gossip hungry rebels 'the Princess screwed Solo' would be much more exciting than 'the Princess loves Solo'.

Despite that, Leia could not help but admit that she was glad to have it out, once and for all. She had not been lying to Mon Mothma. She _was_ proud of what she and Han had achieved together, and she was sure that Bail Organa would have been proud.

But was it worth this? Was suffering the pain of loss _and_ the pain of scorn worth it? And back with the Rebellion, would she be even able to search for Han? Or would they expect her to get over him, as if he was some schoolgirl crush? Even worse, would they expect her to _handle it_, as she had handled the loss of Alderaan, by throwing herself into her cause? Did they _want_ that? Leia wasn't sure.

Closing her eyes, she lay back onto the bunk. Memories of Han flooded her, memories that only a few short days ago had been reality but now seemed lost in the sorrow and loneliness. She could still smell his sent on the pillow, the sheets, the room itself seemed to be calling out to its owner. Leia could almost hear Han's voice, calm and comforting, reassuring her that he was there for her, loved her.

Tears came to her again, less quietly this time and no more soothing. If Han had taught her anything it was that sometimes a being had to think about themselves, and let go when they needed to. So Leia let go. She let out all her anger, misery, and confusion, cried until there were no more tears, only a hole, where Han's love had filled her. She was utterly alone. "I love you nerfherder," Leia whispered to the silence, and, hugging Han's pillow to her, began to cry again.

End.


End file.
